Rainy Wednesday Musings

I need to find some balance. Not the kind where I don't fall over standing up, although that would be nice as well. I need the kind of balance where I can handle all of the things in my life without feeling as though something is going to give at any moment. That's where I am - waiting for something to fall.

I am a busy, busy girl. I wouldn't have it any other way, but sometimes all I want is to curl up in my bed with a good book or movie and some ice cream (or cake). There's never time for that, though. Or, if I find a few spare moments for it, I feel guilty using them for that purpose. When I sit and just relax, I find myself thinking about the laundry I could do, the chores Nana needs done, the grading or planning I could get ahead on for school. It's a never ending list, and I don't even have kids, yet. And I do want them someday.

I think part of my problem with feeling so much pressure all of the time is that I overbook myself and I also put too much energy into EVERYTHING, which inevitably means somethings fall to the side. Usually it's my mental health and well-being that gets left behind - like right now.

I was functioning on Cloud 9 (pardon the cliche) for about 10 weeks. Seriously, I was smiling almost non-stop and just felt so energized about everything. Then something happened and I've been knocked down a few stairs (or clouds if we keep that metaphor going). I needed that reality check, for sure. But, that doesn't make the reality any easier.

Now, having been thrown out of the upper atmosphere clouds, I'm left feeling a little apathetic about some things. Don't get me wrong, I'm still my upbeat self most of the time, but there are certain parts of my life that have become taxing to think about. Its hard to avoid these things, and I thought I was doing a good job masking the frustration, but ... I wasn't. Apparently.

I've been mopey for the past three days, and I don't like it. I feel grumpy and on edge. It's a combination of the taxing things and the need for a vacation. My fuse is super short with everyone. I don't usually have that much patience - especially for stupidity - but I've had less these last three days. I need April vacation.

I need a week to read for fun. To write. To sleep in. To enjoy some sunshine. To get back to the gym. I need a week to generally re-energize so that I can make it to June. The fact that the rain is supposed to go away tomorrow makes me feel happy. That will help - it will.